Does true love really exist? We all have our own interpretations of what a good relationship between a man and a woman consists of. Qualities may include honesty, trust, sacrifice, communication – just to name a few. I think it’s important for everyone to understand that love will come when you’re ready for it. I’m not a guru so I find it easier to discuss relationships with people who are more open minded. Closed minded individuals tend to be set in their ways and they have a hard time understanding that there are two sides to every love story. You have to be aware and be able to accept reality. Cupid is a figure of our imagination. The perfect man or woman isn’t going to appear in the blink of an eye. They definitely won’t appear because an arrow with your name on it was shot into their heart. Know this: Most of the time, it’s YOU that hinder your ability to share a relationship with someone of similar morals and values. I’m not saying that you have the ability to control who you will spend the rest of your life with, but you do have the ability to create standards and be opinionated – not shallow. But let’s not put all of the blame on you. Your partner can lack in areas that are most important. Discussing individual needs is important towards uniting as one.
I usually don’t share my relationship via social medias and what I do with my partner stays out of the public eye. I thought this would be a good chance for me to touch on a few things my friends openly envy over – which doesn’t bother me at all because they are are genuinely happy for me. Like girlfriends do, we talk about relationships and what we expect from a man. I don’t think we ever consider what a man may expect from us as well. Nonetheless, I want it to be known that my relationship is FAR from perfect. James and I have worked hard to maintain what we have and honestly, the “real” relationship didn’t start until after high school. Once we hit college, it was easier for us to mingle and from there it was also easier for us to accommodate one another. He’s amazing and difficult. 🙂
I go by this quote:
“People who are meant to be together find their way back, they may take a few detours, but they’re never lost.”
I’m a product of young love. I fell for James Anthony Owens at the age of 14 and there was no turning back. According to my mother, I wasn’t allowed to date until I had turned 16, but she knew we claimed to be with one another and that I really liked this guy – observing me being on the house phone for hours at a time. So it was nothing out of the ordinary. We began this journey on August 6th, 2007 and we are currently still dating. We’ve been through the lying phase, the cheating phase, the I don’t care phase, the time management phase, the who’s paying for dinner phase, the like my picture on Instagram phase, the retweet my mention phase, etc. In six years of being with this man, I’ve not only learned about my preferences and standards, but I’ve grown to know him like no other. If I could give advice to anyone about how to maintain a relationship through it ALL I would press on the fact that patience is a virtue. James is great, but he still manages to get on my bad side every other day. I could say that it’s normal, but every relationship has faults. He has to work towards me believing everything he does and says. I have to work towards accepting minimal change and realize that growth take time. By any means, if I’m not happy he’ll know and vice versa. I cannot stress to you enough that if you are not willing to make things work and if you pull the “he/she owes me more” card HONEY, you will not get far. Let me break it down for you.
Five things you don’t do if you want a success relationship:
1. Do NOT think that your partner should be giving more to you than you give to them. That 50/50 mess people try to follow is so bogus to me. I completely feel that once in the relationship people tend to lose site of applying efforts on both ends and they expect their partner to act a certain way. If you aren’t doing it, what makes you feel he/she will? We are not mind readers, we are human.
2. Do NOT be afraid to say how you feel, but be sure to use “I” sentences instead of “you” sentences. For example:
I feel this way because…
I think that we need to…
I want us to have…
I know you like to do things this way but…
I understand you’re used to this but…
Own your feelings. Make it known that this is how YOU feel instead of complaining about the things they don’t do or say. It’s easier to suggest problem solvers than to cause more problem.
3. Do NOT accept ANY behavior that neglects, disrespects, or rejects you because you know it ain’t right! *Z Snaps* Those late night calls and texts, the going out every weekend, the not knowing what he/she is doing or where they are… NEGATIVE. Anything of this sort is to not be accepted.
4. Do NOT settle because you think he/she is the one for you or you feel like you have no hope in finding anyone else. That’s probably one of the dumbest things you can do. Be with someone because you want to be with them. Be with someone because they make you feel like nothing else matters. Make sure the relationship is real and laid on a foundation of truth.
5. Do NOT try to mold your partner and think that you can change the person they already are. This probably should have been my first tip, but I wanted to end pretty heavy. Let it be known that you cannot modify a personality and make your partner perfect for you. It is so important to understand that The Lord made us individuals for a reason and we must find ways to come together as one. Do NOT try to MAKE your partner engage in things you like to do, be around people you like to be around, or spend money on materials only you find happiness in. Like.. It’s just not gonna happen. In a relationship, you have to accept them flaws and all. If he/she isn’t the one, MOVE ON. Y’all know the saying “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” Sharks and goldfish will never be compatible. Ha.
So for all of you modern day Romeos and Juliets, keep in mind that love is patient and love is not a game. Be wise in the words you say, the things you do, the people you choose to be friends with, and focusing on what is best for you. We’re all far from perfect, but if you want it bad enough… It will just happen. You know it’s real when you don’t feel like you’re straining to make the relationship happen! Every morning you can wake up to someone who means the world to you… And vice versa.